Ladies and gentlemen, this post can be considered as explete with adult content so before we go any further, please confirm if you’re 18 or above:-)
If you aren’t 18 yet and if you still haven’t learnt how to lie, then grow up….fast….so you can know what’s happening on this side of 18:-)!
Ok, those of you who’re 18 and above please continue reading this blog post!
This blog post is about a Queen who spent literally millions of dollars worth of money to get herself the most ancient and one of the biggest dildos on planet earth!! Yep, you heard it right, and if you’re wondering who that Queen might be, go ahead and take a guess!!
If you aren’t good with guessing, here’s help for you! She is none other than our British Queen:-)
Surprised?! If you complete reading this blog post, you wouldn’t be, so read on!
For starters, if you don’t know what dildos are, don’t feel lost, there’s always google for all kinds of search and rescue operations:-)!
Anyways, here’s a definition of a dildo just so we can save a little time instead of waiting for you to return from your google search. I’m pretty positive that if I let you go and conduct your own search, in all likelihood, most of you may never return for sure to read the rest of this post if what you’re going to see should keep you glued and in most likelihood it will:-)
Ok, here’s what wiki says…
“A dildo is a sexual device resembling a penis in shape, size, and overall appearance…
Some expand this definition to include vibrators…
Some include penis-shaped items clearly designed with vaginal penetration in mind even if they are not true approximations of a penis. Some people include devices designed for anal penetration (butt plugs)…
These devices often used by people of all genders and sexual orientations, for masturbation or for other sexual activity.”
So essentially the dildo is a sex aid or a sex toy for women.
However, like in all things, there’s haves and have nots even here!
So while the unlucky majority of womankind must make do with only a veggie substitute for a middle finger, like a banana or a Zachchini…
…which like Wiki says were provenly used since prehistory (and that is of course if they aren’t smart enough to pull in their neighbour and put him to the task after rechristening him as “From this day on, I name you as Mr.Banana or Mr.Zachchini (or Mr.’biological vibrator’”?!) to avoid being labelled adulterous!), there exists a wide choice for the more fortunate of women living in the west!!
So you see, there’s a wide disparity to what women can have, from the dresses they can wear to the dildos they have access to between the west and the east.
So essentially, if you’re a woman in the west who has access to a sex toys store and can afford a few dollars, the dildo is what you bring back home and you’re all set to hit your sweet spot and experience the thrill of One G without having to be on the space shuttle:-)!
To fall back on wiki again for the choice of dildos available for women, it ranges from rubber dildos…
…to dildos made of PVC to PVC & jelly rubber dildos…
…to silicone rubber to…
high-end chome plated steel dildos capable of electrostimulation…
and the list goes on to include glass dildos to…
cyberskin dildos…!
Gee, women really have it made:-)!
They can literally try out a different type of dildo for each day of the week in the Gregorian calendar:-)
…and literally treat themselves to a different kind of fuck every day…;-)!
Hmm…I’m not surprised they don’t think twice, or even once to be more precise, before calling up their boy friends and husbands and telling them “It’s over”:-)
Guys, just relax when you end up as a loser boyfriend, we men have always been discriminated against by the gods:-)!
Ok so if even ordinary women in the west have such a wide choice to skim their sweet spots with, that get’s us to wondering what does their most popular Queen have to flaunt?!
Well, as you’re aware, there isn’t a more popular or richer queen in the west than the British Queen…
…and so we go to check what dildo she has to show us…..!
Why, you don’t think the British Queen uses a dildo?!
You bet she does and all you need to do to clear away your doubts is to see the picture below…this huge rock penis used by the British Queen is in the City of Westminster, on the Victoria Embankment near the Golden Jubilee Bridges and is called “Cleopatra’s Needle”…
Man, that’s really HUGE…:-)!
And how the hell on earth does the British Queen stick it up her vagina and even worse use it as a dildo is your million dollar question??????!!!
Hang on! The key to figuring it out lies in understanding why its called “Cleopatra’s Needle”!
Its called “Cleopatra’s Neele” because it was brought to London all the way from Egypt, the land ruled by Cleopatra…
…in a specially designed cigar-shaped container ship, called the Cleopatra built by the Dixon brothers…or (Dick-son brothers?!)…
So now we know that it was named as “Cleopatra’s Needle” since it was brought to London in a ship named Cleopatra from Alexandria in Egypt, the City where Cleopatra ruled and its shaped like a needle.
However, this rock pillar goes by the common name of “obelisk”.
So what are “OBELISKS”????
Obelisks are huge stone or rock pillars erected to symbolise the penis of Horus, one of the prominent Egyptian gods…
Well, well, well…you say its called “Cleopatra’s Needle” but its actually the penis or Horus…so what actually is it, a neele or a penis, is your question again??!!
Don’t you worry guys, I understand your predicament! The reason it was named “Cleopatra’s Needle” was because that way none of would ever know that it is actually erected as the penis of Horus in Egypt thousands of years ago before the British people brought it all the way to London to gift it to their beloved Queen to use as a dildo…;-)!
Now, irrespective of nomenclature and whether you like to call it an obelisk or a neele or a rock penis or a dildo, its all the same – its a symbol to substitute the real male phallus.
And if mere ordinary women in the west have such wide choice of materials for dildos, you can easily expect their most popular Queen to boast of the biggest and the best in the class.
Does Cleopatra’s needle fit the bill?
You bet it does, to the last detail!!
Do you want to know the dimensions of this HUGE rock penis brought to London as a gift for the British Queen all the way from Egypt?
Not a problem, here are the stats…
Its made of red granite, about 21 metres (68 ft) high, weighs about 180 tons and is inscribed with Egyptian hieroglyphs.
If a size of this dimensions is what goes for a “needle” for the British queen, I wonder what a regular dildo would be:-)
Anyways, to check up quickly on the history of this rock penis, this obelisk in London was originally erected in Egypt around 1500 B.C in Heliopolis – the City of the sun.
Heliopolis if you didn’t know, is the Greek name for the City of On that you read about in the Bible.
Remember that it was the daughter of the high priest of On that Joseph, one of the twelve sons of the Israeli patriarch Jacob, married…
…when he was made the Prime Minister over all of Egypt…
So the point I’m making here is that Joseph, a prominent member of the Israeli patriarchs, was married to an Egyptian woman (even if she is descended from the Hyksos!), whose religion comprised the erecting and worshipping of Obelisks or stone penises, which practice was explicitly condemned in the Bible with certain death.
So throughout the old testament, you read the punishment of death being meted out to kings and commoners alike who indulged in the erecting or worshipping of such obelisks to the sun god Ra or Re Harakthe…
Now coming back to our story, the British are a people who claim that they are descended directly from Joseph since most of the prophesies given to Joseph’s sons Manasseh and Ephraim, were claimed to be fulfilled in the case of the British people. Even the word British means people of the covenant between man and God…
Brith = covenant, Ish = man, so British = Covenant Man or Man of the Covenant or People of the Covenant
So the British are people of the Covenant between man and God as they see themselves…
I’m sure you must have missed two very vital points…?
Which is this…
- Covenant, and God and all other high sounding words are just fine as long as you don’t miss the essential fact that Joseph married an Egyptian woman and it was to her that Manasseh and Ephraim were born from whom the British claim direct descent! So the British are half Egyptian!
- The British are even to this day continuing the abhorable practice of erecting and worship of stone penises or the penis of Horus as you can see from the huge dildo they erected for the use of their Queen in London. While claiming to be children of a covenant between man and God, they are guilty of commiting the one practice explicitly condemned in the Bible as abohrable to God and worthy of being punished with DEATH.
That proves that the British are guilty of SACRILEGE and must be KILLED en masse!!
And one also needs to wonder why if its an established fact that the British were descended from an Egyptian woman, and if their queen can spend more than a million pounds to adore her capital city with a huge Egyptian dildo, what’s so wrong with Princess Diana choosing to marry the son of a wealthy Egyptian businessman?
If mother-in-law could have an Egyptian dildo 21 metres tall and weighing 180 tons, what’s so wrong with daughter-in-law settling for something a lot smaller but still Egyptian?:-)
I am not a great fan of Diana but I stand by the fact that she had a right to choose whoever she wanted to marry after she was divorced from Charles and I strongly believe that when it comes to her death, there are only one of two choices left to us to make – prima facie believe it was indeed an accident OR believe it still is an accident in spite of all evidence to the contrary that it had all the trappings of a well calculated, cold-blooded, ritualistic murder by the British establishment and their Zionist collaborators…
If Diana’s death is indeed an accident, then we can believe that the 9/11 carnage was done by Islamic terrorists!
Interesting, isn’t it?!
BTW, how many of you know that the King Abdullah of Jordan was born to a British woman?
Does he look like a Bush with a mush?!!
Ok now coming back to our post to the all important question which I’m sure is hanging around in your minds even if you want to hide it from me is just how does the British queen use such a BIG rock penis as a dildo???!!
Well, that sure is a very complicated and tricky question that very few people of the human race can attempt to untangle if not answer. However, let’s make an honest attempt. How many of you remember that sometime in the 1980s an article in the newspapers appeared about guards in Buckingham palace arresting a black teenager for somehow evading security and creeping into the queen’s bedroom. I was in junior college that time and I sincerely thought it must be weird how this black teenager could break through such tight security. It didn’t occur to me until I heard Jordan explaining in one of his videos that not even James Bond could break into the queen’s security and the Queen must’ve ordered for the black man like pizza!
So do you trust me now that even if she wasn’t probably using the Egyptian rock penis as a dildo, she sure is someone who thinks that size does matter?!
So people, we could leave our dildo story here but since the creative juices in my brain have already started flowing and are demanding more gratification, I need to take you around for a creative twist in this story!
So hang on, stay with me, if you need a quick snack or a loo break, just go now but come back fast…don’t worry, I’m not going to join you…!!!
Ok, nice to have you back so let’s continue with our Queen of dildos story…!
You know, while you were gone, I just turned on the TV and tuned into BBC and I was startled to see the news flash that the British queen has been abducted by aliens and Scotland Yard and MI5 are banging their heads on how to get her back:-)
True guys, I swear, please believe me!! News of the Queen’s abduction by aleins was immediately censored because it would create a crisis in the anglo-saxon world who love their sweet queen so much! They’re now showing file vidoes of her shot long back just to keep the workd quiet…
Never mind, I have my contacts in the alien world and since you’re really so skeptical, I’ll just call up and talk to an alien girl friend of mine from the Norbus galaxy…her name is Electronita and here is a pic of her, ain’t she cool?!:-)
Ok, so that’s Electronita in the pic!! Cute, ain’t she with long antennae on her head??!! But she can change her appearance the way she wants too!!
Accept you’re jealous, I can see it!! But hey no, she’s not that kinda girl friend… she’s just a alien girl and a good friend..:-)!
Ok, give me a sec, i’ll give her a call and get back to you…!!
Tring, tring, tring, tring…(it’s ringing!)
Me: Hello, hi Electronita!This is Dayavanth, how you doin?!!
Electronita: Oh, hi, long time! How you doin? I was actually thinking of calling you, I heard Estee & Lauder secretly launched a new brand of antenna polish for alien ladies and I was wondering if you could…
Me: Sure, I’ll send it over! But I need a favor from you too! I just saw on BBC TV that our beloved British queen has been abducted by some aliens and was just wondering if you could confirm to me if any of your guys did this…
Electronita: Well, Dayavanth this is actually a top secret and classified operation and I’m afraid its not possible for me to either confirm anything or deny…I mean its nothing personal…its just…just policy constraints…hope you understand…
And after some pleading with Electronita and promising two large cartons of Estee & Lauder antenna polish, she agrees to fly me to where the queen is being held by her alien colleagues under the condition that I remain as quiet and invisible as I can be…
So, after some time Electronita shows up in her small space ship…I give her the two cartons of antenna polish I promised and we fly away to a top secret alien base somewhere on the north pole…
…as our space ship lands, we quickly unmount and run into their secret underground lab where our beloved British queen is being held…
I become invisible to her alien colleagues since Electonita spray painted me with a particle gun and I also agree to remain quiet without making any noise…
Very quietly and sneaking behind computers and strange machines, we reach a vantage point from where we could see the centre of their lab…
After a few minutes, the aliens emerge from a side door…I could now see the queen lying on a bed, her hands and feet are spread apart and tied down tightly…
Right above her is a huge opening to the polar sky through which space ships can descend and ascend…
I was really sorry to see our beloved British queen in such a pitiable state. From what I could see, I began to suspect, even if I didn’t ask my friend Electronita, if this could be some sort of alien abduction some people narrate about how the aliens took them away and conducted sex experiments…and I began to cry saying oh no, how will our dear British queen go through all this…
So to impress Electronita, I start shedding crocodile tears for the queen as best as I could and even start rolling all over the floor, beating my chest and sobbing uncontrollably…!!!
Unimpressed by my display of histrionics for the British queen, Electronita pulls me up and says that if I fake love for the British queen again and make noise, I will have to search my way back from the north pole all on my own…so I just shut up and sit silently watching what happens next…:-)!
As we sit there waiting, a space ship approaches the huge opening in the roof of the lab, as it descends, a shaft under the space craft opens and what comes out next stops my heart beat for a second….its Cleopatra’s needle!
I start wondering why the heck did the aliens bring it up here???! Oh, no what nonsense is this!!These grey heads aren’t going to shove it up the queen now.
So I decide to ask Electronita…
Me: Are you guys crazy? Just what’s this whole thing about abducting our beloved British queen and conducting sex experiments on her and that too with Cleopatra’s needle, ha???? Are you out of your ICs and micro processors? Just how the hell did you think a needle so big as the London Obelisk can penetrate the British queen’s vagina ha? (Trust me guys, I was really angry with the aliens and was about to break my cover and get into a fight with them to save the beloved British queen, I know you don’t believe it but…!!)
Electronita: Shhhh…don’t get that upset, someone might hear us and if that happens, you’ll be in real, BIG trouble…
So Electronita and I start whispering to each other in hushed voices…
Me: What’s happening? I wish I hadn’t come here except that I was a little curious about what happened to our beloved British queen and I’m really outraged that your guys are conducting a sex experiment on her…
Electronita: Easy, don’t be so upset, it’ll be over soon, they’re just going to test how this Cleopatra’s needle fits the queen’s vagina and then take a few readings, report to mission control back in Norbus and then that’s it…your beloved British queen can go home…and we can return to drop you back in India…you sure are going to send me some more Estee Lauder antenna polish cartons, aren’t you honey? I brought you here at such risk to my own life…
Me: You guys are dumb cranks. This is just a phallic symbol the queen put up in London because as head of the Freemasons, she thinks it draws in some male energy or some whatever…but I’m sure this isn’t the dildo the queen uses…no…not someone like her who has millions of African slaves…if she wants, she can anyday order the strongest African teenager with the longest….
Electronita interrupts me and makes it clear that if I persist with my protests, she will have to drop me back on earth, so I simply shut up and watch…
Two grays walk to the queen’s bed and remove her clothes and prepare her for the experiment as the British queen watches it all with well, not really any paranoid sense of fear or anxiety…
A huge crane like vehicle drives closer to the landed space ship, a strange looking metallic pair of tongs unwinds from the crane and picks up Cleopatra’s needle and turns back towards the queen…
…it carefully inserts the needle into a waiting vibrator machine connected to metres that can record readings…
This machine is so huge that it even makes the Cleopatra’s needle look small…the aliens roll the vibrator machine so that its now positioned exactly between the queen’s outstreched legs but just a few feet away…ready to stab into the British queen’s exposed vagina all at the press of a button…:-)!
I realize it’s my last chance to save the beloved British queen, so I decide to try…
Me: Oh, no, mighty god Zeus, they’re going to shove it up the British Queen now…please save our British queen…Electronita is there nothing we could do?
Electronita: Shhh…just watch…
Me: Tell me something, just how on earth or on Norbus did you guys get this crazy idea to conduct this crazy sex experiment on our beloved British queen?
Electronita: Well, Dayavanth to tell you actually it was all your earthlings’ fault. As our spaceships were approaching earth, one of our spaceships was hit by lighting and crashed near Las Vegas. NASA was tracking us so top leaders of the American military and air force reached the spot in no time including their Defense Secretary Dick Chimney. He greeted us all and received us warmly and arranged for our damaged spaceship to be hauled away and repaired at a secret underground facility they have in the Nevada desert….and he and his personnel took our guys to show them around Les Vegas…
…and introduced them to its glitzy night life…
Me: I get it now, I get it now. You mean to say that this Dick Chimney and his staff took your guys to some live sex show in Las Vegas and that’s how your guys figured women in the west use dildos to get things rolling…but that’s different…you can’t repeat that with a 30 feet long stone penis on the Queen, I swear she doesn’t use it as a dildo…she just put it out there as a phallic symbol to signify British power and…
Electronita: If the British queen doesn’t use it just why would she bring it to London all the way from Egypt, ha??? I’m sorry but I must tell you that we read your planet’s history before landing here and we know very well that the British can never be trusted. They say one thing and do the exact opposite. We can’t afford to take chances…
Me: Ok, I agree you can’t trust the British but how will this experiment help you in any way?
Electronita: It does. It will help our scientists determine how this BIG a needle can go into that small a Queen. Certainly, these British must be knowing far superior sacred geometry than us and it really shows in all that Freemasonic sacred geometry British, Anglo Saxon, American and European peoples indulge in…
Me: Huh, what can I say…so you think this sex experiment on the British Queen will help you understand the secrets of British Freemasonic geometry and give you an edge over them…oh, ok…may be you’re right…let’s just watch…
So as the experiment begins, the vibrator brings Cleopatra’s needle closer and closer towards the beloved British queen and exactly like Electronita and the grays suspected, its full size disappears into the British Queen but somehow when it’s brought out it remains as big as before…
Now the grays start twisting their antennas in utter confusion. The leader of their scientific team, Nucleoonix and his team are exchanging blank stares at each other…
Nucleonix: Increase insertion speed and operate vibrator at max speeds….
His team do as they were told. But still nothing horridly wrong seems to happen to the queen and she seems to lie back and take it all as much as it can give….!!
Nucleonix’s team is bewildered. Now they can hear the queen start moaning softly in whispers…
Nucleonix: Turn on “Oh, yeah, Oh yeah” metres and “Yea baby” level indicators now…
Nucleonix’s team do as they were told again. The needles in the metres are rising up fast and reaching near the red marks…but still the British queen is all smiles and moaning away happily…;-)!
Nucleonix: Increase vibrator speed to extra optimum capacity…
Still the British queen seems to enjoy it all and nothing untoward like what the aliens expected happens…a few minutes later the metres begin to heat up and burn and computers connected to them follow suit, the vibrator comes to a squeeking halt…and very soon most of the lab is burnt down…
The aliens run for cover to hide from the flames and after some fire fighting they regroup around Nucleonix and set up a meeting to analyze the situation and decide what to do…
After some intense debating, all of them approach the queen’s bed to check how she’s doing. As they come near, the Queen smiles at them with blushing pink cheeks:-)
Nucleonix: Your highness, we’re convinced that as head of Worldwide Freemasonry, you possess far superior skills in geometry than us. If you wound’t mind sharing with us, could you please tell us just how…
Queen: Idiot, if your lab burns down for a 30 feet long stone penis I have in London, only Zeus can save you from what happens if we were to show you the one we have in Washington DC…
Nucleonix: Your majesty, how big is that one?
Queen: Not much, just 555 feet long..
Nucleonix’s two antennas experience a quick short cut and he crashes to the floor in a sudden burn out of his IC:-)
Alien Mission Control in Norbis galaxy which was watching everything all the time through CC camera are now convinced that if we earthlings possess such superiors skills just in geometry alone, then we sure must be having far superior weapons of war against which they just don’t stand a chance. So they order their grays to abort mission and return to base in Norbus and make sure the British queen is dropped back safely in Buckingham palace.
So the scared aliens drop the beloved British queen back in the Buckingham palace and flee to their home galaxy…!!
I take a sigh of relief and also am so proud that the beloved British queen could beat an alien attack on earth single handedly all lying down:-)!!
Electronita drops me back in India, so I also take a sigh of relief and thank Electronita and promise to send her some more boxes of Estee Lauder antenna polish asap and bid her adeu:-)!!
Ok people, good night now and don’t forget to be thankful to the British queen for saving us all. Next time you’re in London, make sure you visit Cleopatra’s needle:-)
And don’t forget to check back again to know how the British Queen passes the second stage of the alien sex experiment with flying colors:-)!!
Ciao!!
Dayavanth M Emmanuel.
P.S: Its not just enough for the British royalty to think that they are seated on the throne of Jesus while none of their actions reflect the chastity or divine love of Christ. If you think this post is OFFENSIVE to the British monarchy, all I can say is it is INTENDED to be, DELIBERATELY…;-)!!
